he’s ready for takeoff…
Just like every one-year-old boy, Bubba dreams of flying a jet pack.
Well, I don’t REALLY know what his dreams are about, that would be creepy. Either that or it would be one of the worst super powers imaginable.
I could see it now… The world is being taken over by an evil villain, Voldemort (no, not THAT Voldemort – this one’s Howard Voldemort, from Cleveland), and so the president calls upon his secret weapon, Dream Man, to help save the day:
Well, Mr. President, I’m proud to report that our plan has worked! Voldemort’s subconscious nervously revealed his plan of attack last night as he slept. And I was there, ready to intercept…
The attack will begin at the Starbucks on the corner of Fifth and Lincoln, where his 4th grade geography teacher will order the spaghetti special and throw it at the ceiling fan, causing it to snow INSIDE the building. She will be wearing a suspiciously skimpy cocktail dress, while everyone else will be clad in bright orange Snuggies. She will spot Voldemort from the front of the line, and run after him yelling, “Marry me, Howard!” But no matter how hard Voldemort tries to run away he will be stuck in a perpetual state of slow-motion, unable to escape her manly, hairy-knuckled grasp. Just as it looks like Voldemort will be captured, the lights will go out and it will be as if nothing happens at all for 3 or 4 solid hours. But we must be patient. Just when you think he’s gone for good, Voldemort will be spotted training dolphins with his ex-girlfriend, Rhonda, who for some reason won’t stop yelling, “I can’t feel my face! I can’t feel my face!” Suddenly, her face will explode into a sea of giant cartoon spiders, the largest of which will wear a cupcake crown and become king of the world.
Moral of the story: Don’t expect the Dream Man to save the world. Instead, look to the FaceBaby to fill it laughter.