Monthly Archives: September 2012
In fact, he got them all cut.
Oh, mylanta! That knee-slapper never gets old. Or maybe it’s so old that we just gave up on caring. Can we really BE that lazy? Okay, I know, that was super Chandler Bing of me. But seriously, how many haircuts do we experience in our lives? And yet it’s the same “old man” joke every time. Okay fine, I could think of three, but still … millions of haircuts … same three jokes:
Did’ja get your hair cut? …nah, I got ’em all cut.
Did’ja get your hair cut? …no, I just got my ears lowered.
Did’ja cut your hair? …nope, someone else cut it for me.
Don’t get me wrong; whoever came up with these little quips was plenty hilarious. But so was Peanut Butter Jelly Time at one point. Wait, was that even funny? Or was it just hypnotizing in some random oh-my-goodness-it’s-a-dancing-banana-and-oh-lookie-there-he-sings-funny-songs-too-and-yes-I-love-peanut-butter-and-jelly-sandwiches-but-what’s-all-this-about-a-baseball-bat kind of way? And good for you if you were able to resist clicking that link, but don’t be all mad if you’re one of the ones who clicked it and now you can’t seem to escape its delightfully annoying grasp. You knew exactly what was going to happen, and you decided to click it anyway. Sure, I’m an enabler. But it’s still your fault.
Would somebody just come up with a new haircut joke already? Bubba is clearly not amused.
He also appears to be a vampire. But he’s confused by it.
I want to suck your blood? …can’t I just take your apple juice instead?
Big baby blues? …check.
Craftily styled, yet messy blonde hair? …check.
Comfy place to sit and a super awesome coffee table? …check and check.
Watch your back, Ellen. Bubba’s got everything he needs and is ready for his first guest.
No, he’s not in your face because he just won a bet. See … turns out I CAN ride Reese like a horse without getting yelled at or taken to the emergency room. In-your-FACE!
And he’s not all up in your face because you missed a deadline. Story time started 10 minutes ago … and where the heck is my pb&j, FOOL?
He’s not even in your face because he’s your physical superior. Don’t get me wrong, he is … it’s just not why he’s is your face. What does high score mean? “New high score,” is that bad? …what does that mean, did I break it?
He’s in your face because, well, you needed a Friday pick-me-up.
Feel better? In your FACE!
Happy Friday, my friends.
Congrats to this week’s FaceBaby said what?! champ … Courtney!
Bubba officially said: Did you HAVE to throw those ice cubes in here with me, Mom? Give a guy a break!
Nobody likes to be judged by a cold pool, just ask George Constanza. Reduce your chances of being walked-in on like that by wearing your new imaginary T-shirt at all times. On second thought, you might want to wear it with something else. You know, just to be safe.
And I owe another round of congratulations to our second FaceBaby Mega Champ, Cassie! With 34% of the votes, some well-deserved cottony goodness is headed your way. Go ahead and let that friend borrow your imaginary T-shirt now that you’ve got the real thing. She had better return it, though … along with those heels and that skirt from last spring. On second thought, keep them both for yourself.
Can you believe he’s one and one third? He TOTALLY looks like he’s one and one quarter.
Remember how proud you were to turn half-ages when you were a kid? (sometimes even quarters!) … your mama or papa would casually assert that you were six years old and you’d be all, Nuh-uh! I’m six and three-quarters!
I liked that. I’m bringing it back. It’s time to embrace our fractional age levels again, people. I’m 25 and a half (almost). Technically I guess I am 25 and 179 365ths. I can’t even simplify the fraction because 179 doesn’t seem to be divisible by anything. Yep, I just Googled it. It’s a prime number. And now I am ruining the whole thing by turning today’s post into a middle school math lesson. Rounding is hereby acceptable. I’m 25 and a half.
Now that that’s all settled, where the heck were we? … oh right, Bubba’s age. Yes! I’m starting a little something new here in FaceBaby land. You’ve probably never encountered anything like it before. I think I’ll call it Throwback Thursday.
…wait, what do you mean they already do that? Where?! Oh, right … everywhere. Please forgive me, I’m a little slow. Even with my lack of originality, I hope you’ll be more excited about the idea than Bubba was to be swimming last summer…
Oh, right! To go swimming. Because THAT was on my to-do list today. Let’s recap:
Sleep, cry, eat, sleep, poop, cry, discover thumb, suck thumb, sleep, cry, eat, pee, cry, snuggle, fuss, smile, yawn, sleep, eat, sleep, poop, sleep.
Just as I thought, no swimming on the agenda.
FaceBaby said what?! … final day!
At first glance, it looks like we caught Bubba off guard with another quick pic.
Take another look at Mo’s smile. Yes I know, it’s cute, but stay focused … we’re on a case here. Her smile is fully posed. It’s even being drawn out. We must have made it to three. You know, like “one, two, threeeeee!”
But wait. Bubba can’t count. So THAT doesn’t seem like a logical intro. And of course, photo sessions with babies MUST be logical, right?
Nothing says “logical” quite like cheese. Okay that doesn’t make any sense. Not even a little. But in this case it sorta does:
Mama: Say cheese!
Bubba: cheese? … where?!
Are you kidding? …did you actually believe that? I must be gaining your trust more rapidly than anticipated. Wanna buy a timeshare?
Oh and while we’re at it, your long-lost uncle just left you a boatload of cash but it’s at a bank in Nigeria … wanna send me some money so I can process the paperwork and make you rich?
Okay, well I apologize for betraying your trust. I might have told you that Bubba was a morning person, but the evidence, well, see for yourself…
I know, not his most dashing side. In his defense, he had literally just woken up.
But wait, there’s hope … want some bacon, buddy?
And I am not a liar. (anymore).
Ahhh, bacon saves the day. Thanks, bacon.
______________________________9.11.01 May we never forget. Tell someone you love them. Forgive someone. Forgive yourself. Or, simply smile at the day you’ve been given.