Monthly Archives: May 2013

he’s off by one…

What an awful, awful day this is going to be.

I mean, I like to think I’m a positive guy and all … but today just stinks.

Like first off, I woke up and spilled water all over my PJs.  Who does that?

Then I go to get some juice and we’re all out of OJ.  And I’m SO not in an apple mood.

And then I go to grab some cereal and all of my Lucky Charms are gone … and so are the Cocoa Krispies … so now I have to settle for Corn Pops.

Seriously, Thursdays are the WORST.

… wait, what do you mean “Friday”?


…well, whattaya know!  these Corn Pops taste pretty darn good!

he’s on fire…

Hot wings?

…you call THESE “hot” wings?

They don’t even barely have any sauce on ’em … how hot can they be?

[nyum nyum nyum]

…see?  I don’t even feel a th–ha–hawwwwwwwwwwwwwwt!


Ah, wow … I can’t feel my … is it still there … did my tongue fall off?!?

he’s acting fishy…

Hey-heyyyyyyyyy mister fishy … what’s shakin’?

Ohhh, you know, just hanging out after a yummy lunch … looking for something fun to do!

…my lunch?  Oh my gosh, it was SO good!!  

Yeah, Mama made mac and cheese with these KILLER fish sti–


Errrr, uhhhh, we had umm, these uhhh.  Crap.  We had fish sticks.  

I probably ate your cousin.  My bad.

he perked up…

Yeah, I hear you … clean up toys before you’re back.

Uh-huh … blankies on sofa if I’m chilly … socks too … got it.

Yeah, yeah … nice to babysitter … no biting or flushing smart phones … uh-huh.

…don’t fill up on snacks because of what now? … pizza’s on it’s way?!!?

FaceBaby.247Go ‘head … I’m listening!!!!

he wants more…



wwwwwwwwwhe–  … wheeeeehhhhhh– 


I TOLD you, don’t stop with the fresh-grated cheese until I snap AND say “when” at the same time.  C’mon now, keep gratin’!



…wwwwwwwwwwww– when![snap]  

Alright, cool.  Now hand over the fork and bring me more wine.

he made the cut…

I’d love to help you out, man.  I really would…


…but if princess-ballerina nurse says your leg’s gotta go, then your leg’s gotta go.  Scalpel!

he’s firming up…


I had SEVEN giant pieces of cake over the last three days.

And 16 cookies.

With ice cream.

…whose job was it to tell me that Memorial Day was this weekend?


Oh, well … only 762 more curls ’til this guy’s poooooooool-ready.