Monthly Archives: September 2013

he (still) lives in reality…

Oh, wow.

You won your first fantasy-football game, yeah?

Oh, my.  

That’s impressive.


Oh, of course … you’re a total shoe-in to win the whole thing.

I mean, you won the first game … what could possibly stop you now?

… can I have some juice now, please? 


he can act…

You’re not, no … I must be seeing things. 

Wait, yeah … I think you really might be … Princess SOFIA??!

Oh my gosh, it is you, isn’t it?  ISN’T IT??

It is it is it is it iiiiiiiiiis!

I’ve, like, GOTTA get a picture with you to show my sister … man, she’s gonna be SO jealous.

Who’da thought I’d ever meet a REAL-LIVE princess … this is the greatest day of my life!



… alright, mama, she bought it. 

Now gimme that giant tub’a caramel like you promised …

This apple’s got a date with muh bellay!

he’s onto you…

I know, it was a short week after the holiday.

And yeah, it’s Friday.  Woohoo!

But I can’t help but notice … you ran the vacuum sweeper on the front lawn, you cried because you ran out of sticky notes, you’re hellbent on finding a letter opener because you just got an important email, and you’re about to get into an argument with a shrub.

Have you, uhhhhh …


… been tippin’ back the ol’ happy-hour juice a little early today?

he’s on the hunt…

Shoo, fly, don’t bother me …

Shoo, flyyyyyy, don’t bother me …

Shoo, flyyyyyyyyyyy, don’t bother me …


… alright, that’s it … you don’t listen … prepare to die.

he’s listening…

Nah, I don’t really want a snack.  I’d rather keep playin’.

… fruit snacks?

Nope, that’s alright … maybe later.

… crackers?

Nahhhhh I’ll save those for later, too.  I’m having WAY too much fun to quit now.

… chocolate milk?

Hmm … interesting, but no.  I made up the rules to this game, and I’m totally kicking everyone’s butts right now.  This rocks.

… chocolate milk AND cookies?? 


… woah-ho-hooooo, NOW we’re talkin’!!

he believes…

My prayers …

I think they’ve finally been answered.

Longggggg nights I’ve spent asking for one simple-yet-amazing thing.

And now I can see the light … because in two short days …


… NFL Football is BACK.  

Can a Bubba get A-MEN!?

he’s working…


… you expect me to work TODAY?

You DO know it’s a holiday, right?

Fine.  If you absolutely NEED me to be funny, it’s gonna cost you an arm and a leg.


… no, I’m serious.  I’m taking your arm. and your leg.

Annnnnnd about $200k.

Don’t fight it.  It’s worth it.  I’m hilarious.