Monthly Archives: October 2013

he’s got a view…

I may not be the most flashy and daring …

But I’ve been known to rock a faux-hawk or two.

And, like, I’m all about trying different things …

And letting people do whatever they want …

And, you know, express themselves however they see fit.

But dude … for real …

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... what is going on with those nose hairs???

WAIT … is that a French braid?!?

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he was slightly off…

I thought that asking for tequila would get me milk.

Or juice.

Or anything else that I wanted … besides booze, of course.

But apparently, when I ask for tequila …

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… I get some kinda tilky mequila.  Wait, that can’t be it.

Milky tequila? Yeah, that. Kinda gross, and yet I can’t stop drinking it. 

WAIT … I can’t feel my nose … did my nose just leave? … I hope he brings back pizza.

he got what he wanted…

I ask for juice, and mama gives me milk.

I ask for milk, and mama gives me water.

I ask for water, and mama gives me water.

I’m not usually good at cracking codes, but I’ve got this one figured out.

If I want my pick at milk or juice without risking the water trap, all I’ve gotta do is …

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… ask for tequila!  Anything’s healthier for a baby than tequila.  Except vodka.

he knows what to say…

Yes, of course.

If you agree to take me and my sisters for the weekend while my parents get out of town and relax, I promise to be SO super good for you.

I’ll be a perfect angel … I’ll eat all my food … and when it’s time for my nap, I won’t cry or fuss.

I’ll listen at all times … and I’ll even help you keep those crazy little girls in line.

You can totally handle it. Yeah, you’ve got this.

So, whattaya say … shake on it? You know you wanna …

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... what if I told you I wouldn’t poop, not even once … would THAT seal the deal?

he doesn’t know what to say…

You say you’ve got a surprise for me, yeah?

You’ve somehow made pumpkin waffles “better than normal?”

Well, let me start by saying that “normal” waffles are in no way normal.

They’re so much more than normal … fantastic even … and then you add pumpkin??

You’re crazy if you think THAT’s normal, but I digress …

So, what could you have possibly done to improve my pumpkinny waffle situation?

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 OHHmahgawd. bacon. better than normal. yes.

he almost had it…

C’mon now, gimme somethin’ …

Psh, and they say this thing is “lifelike.”

I don’t buy it.

I’ve been sitting here for AT LEAST ten minutes, and I got nothin’.

*blllllllllllliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip*  Aw yeah, there we go!

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… uhp, nope, wait. That was me. Sorry.

he’s tested…

What the heck, I KNOW this.

The cow. The cow the cow the cow …

The dog goes woof, duh.

And the horse says nay. Neigh? Whatever. It’s not a spelling contest.

But I seriously just saw a cow last week. Why can I not think of this?

Cats go meow, yeah yeah, we all know that.

Ducks say quack. Quack quack quack.

And cows goooooooooooo … they um, they go … WAIT …

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… MOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!