This may come as a bit of a surprise, but …
I am not yet taken as a Valentine.
Ladies … I repeat … I am NOT yet taken as a Valentine.
… hey girl heyyyyyyyy!
Oh, and my love can totally be bought with chocolate.
Wait … AND cookies.
Nope, wait … AND bacon.
Yeah. Bring chocolate, cookies, and bacon … and my heart is yours.
I get it.
It’s time for hearts, and love, and flowers, and red.
… but pink?
Do we REALLY need to do all the pink?
… hmm, turns out I do pink pretty well. Bring it!
Do you like seafood?
Are you SURE you like seafood?
Do you wanna seafood now?
Alright, as you wish …
Having lots of gold means you’re rich, right?
Sooooooo, if I get more gold medals … I can buy more candy? Woohoo!
Let’s see … gold gold gold, how to get the gold …
… know any good pirates?
Hurry hurry hurryyyyyyy, you got this.
Here we go, keep it going.
Still within the lines … almost there.
Gonna be a photo finish, aaaaaaand …
… Gold medal. Speed coloring. And I haven’t even had my Lucky Charms yet.
Yeah I know, I’m sponsored by Wheaties … but those things are gross.
Well watch out, Russia … here comes Bubba!
… they have gold medals for snow-eating, right?
… for having the longest tongue?
… the awesomest face?